Waylen and Falcon have such different Personalities. Sometimes they want to be the same and sometimes they are complete opposites. 

Somethings recently have been they get mad if they aren't wearing the same shirt. But other times they want to dress different. Falcon likes his church shorts but Waylen haaaaaaaayes them. I tried every shirt on. The closet but he would only wear a striped tee shirt with his khakis. Haha 

Falcon is happy with his one blankie. When we put them to bed he searches the outside of his blanket with his little hands for he yarn pieces holding it together and her twirls them. 

Waylen is a blanket hog an actually rarely uses that blanket anymore. His favorite is the "ye wooow" or yellow blanket that is way too bigfor him but he loves it and stops screaming once you give it to him. But he also has 3+ other blankets on his bed or near him at all times. Haha

Falcon likes some veggies loves broccoli and loves apples. Will eat peas and bananas sometimes. But Waylen will not eat anything green or healthy. No guitar nothing! Unless it is hidden and tastes good. 

Cannon aldrank his bottle and was sleeping then started coughing and eventually projectile vomited all over me and himself. I was shouting "noooo cannon! Neal!  Neal!" 

He said "what,s wrong?" so I expected him to come help. I even waited a few seconds. But nope video game still being played. 

I went to the bedroom put cannon naked on the bed, started the shower said a few things that weren't heard took my barfed soaked clothes off and then got in the shower with cannon just to let him breathe some moisture and rinse off. 

Then got out got us both ready for bed. All without a " do you need me to help?" I mean come on! 

What freaking effing video game is more important than helping clean up your child, making sure he is ok, making sure I don't drop him in the shower. He usually freaks out and is standing by the shower the whole time I have cannon in there which is fine but this time because of the video game he didnt. 

We even had this conversation before about somethin else he didnt do because He said "this video game isn't the kind you can just pause or quit playing because it is live with other people. They are counting on you."

REALLy?!?!?

So am I. 

How could some stupid stranger you don't know (or your brothers who are also playing) matter more? It is a video game. A video game. What else needs to be said about this fact? Your life does not depend on this game. This game has NOTHiNG to do with your LiFE. He game and the other people do NOT in reality depend on you. They would get over it. Big freakish woop if your score goes down or your team loses or whatever! Your family is what really depends on you. I don't understand how so many stories we have heard about marriages being almost ended by video games (I don't usually care because he doesn't play *that* much anymore except for at night) but I do mind when the games are more or seem more important than anything else. No matter how little sleep I get because I have a baby that stays up Til 1 am and still wakes up 2 times after that I still have to get up at 6:30 or 7 and do so much stuff! I try to lay down after I give them breakfast and water and the first diaper changes but every 10 minutes to half an hour literally I have to get up to get more water or change a diaper or help them do something or tell them to stop doing something. 

Oy. It gets old. I mean I like taking care of my kids buT it is freaking tiring with little to no help as I also do all the chores cook food and ugh. I just want to lay down and stay there. I haven't gotten longer than 5 maybe hours of sleep in I don't know how long. Maybe ONE time in the past few months. I mean at least let me sleep in on Saturday OR Sunday without me having to ask! Even if I ask though and he does it I get woken up by their crying because Neal will fall asleep on the couch or floor but NOT wake up for their crying or their needs. It is a terrible cycle we have here and I don't know what to do. 

I feel like we need a hange of scenery. Aka LIVE somewhere else. 

I swept off the "patio" so I could finish our kitchen table and since it is cooler lately I thought they would love drawing with chalk and playing outside again as crappy as it is to play on a tiny concrete pad with a view of a disgusting junkyard. Our house is just tiny. And claustrophobic. I could live in this house with ZERO problem if we had the huge yard and garage completely to ourselves. Neal always says just pretend we live I an apartment but better. But in reality it isn't an apartment and it isn't much better. We are still basically living with our neighbors an their junk AND loud noises. There is some ear piecing noise going on out back that makes me not want to let w&f out there for fear their ears go bad. I meani feel terrible for whoever lives across the fence from them. This is a residential neighborhood how the farts do they get away with all of this?!? Eeehhhhhhhhhh. Must vomit now from stress. 

Everyday it is something

These 2 year olds are pretty crazy crazy crazy. All they want to eat is chicken nuggets and yogurt. Yesterday I has plain  yogurt and put red food coloring in it to make it look pink like the strawberry kind but they didn't buy it. Plain yogurt I start and not sweet so I wonder if I put honey and blended up strawberries or something to make it more healthy Han sugar packed flavored yogurt.

Last night for dinner we ate a yiuuuuuummmy recipe of no cheese  hummusdillas "quesadillas" We all loved it.  Just a spinach tortilla spread with hummus then spread with a spiced up black bean and corn mixture. Dipped in salsa. 

Dairy is in everything and it is sooooo hard but I am attempting to stop all dairy in my diet to see how I feel and to see if doing it will clear up my skin. I have tried it before a few times without success but this time I am determined. 2 days down. 

I hope I feel amazing or something. Apparently dairy gives most people gas, sluggishness, tiredness. It is for baby cows not humans. 

Eggs and chicken and most meats have been grossing me out more than ever too. I love fish though! 

I made w&f eggs a few days ago and just cleaned the pan last night and could NOT get that disgusting rotten egg smell off the pan! Plus if you think about what eggs are! Eeeeeew! 

I think I want to go mostly vegan. I mean I always have but it is nearly impossible to do unless you are fully committed to it and cook all your own food which I hate doing. 

Anyway everyday it is something with them. They screamed today about bathtime and lunch. They refuse most fruit whic drives me batty!  What kid doesn't like applesauce. 

Oh well.

It is just crazy the things hey decide to scream about. 

Cannon is 2 months!

I cannot believe this little baby cakes is 2 months old! He is smiling a lot and he even laughed in his sleep. He is just the cutest thing really. He is a really good baby over all and I love hat he is ONE instead of 2. At first I almost was looking for a second cannon just because I am used to w&f coming together.

Also it is sometimes funny to feed w&f and almost offer cannon bites. Thank goodness I catch myself and laugh. He has tastes a ritz cracker already. I went to the garage to start the washer for literally 4.5 seconds and come back in to Waylen saying "cannon cracker" and I had to dig crumbs out of his mouth. It was pretty scary. 

I am excited to see how his personality grows and how different or similar he looks from w&f.

His 2 month check up was stupid. The nurse said he looked "miserable" "uncomfortable" and "exhausted"

Well thanks that sure helps me feel good.

Then he was supposed to get a 3 in one shot but instead the nurse "grabbed" the wrong one and he only got the tetanus part of it. Also they didn't ask to record them on his blue chart that I specifically went back home and got because I didn't want to seem like the unorganized mom. 

They called me and told me he needed to come back to get the others and didn't even say they were sorry. Not for the inconvenience or for the potential danger to my baby's health for not checking the vaccines were RIGHT!! 

I know people make mistakes but really in the health care field these things should be checked and checked again because there is no hurry! It was not busy and even if it was that is no excuse.

I still. Haven't don't anything and I don't want to do anything...

Breast feeding was nice while it lasted. I was able to pump 5 oz total at the most so cannon was only getting 2 oz or maybe a little more from each side and I couldn't make him nurse longer. He would always stop when the milk stopped. I would pump often too and I took fenugreek. I would give him formula a few times a day i only ever made 2 oz and he would rarely finish it. And i would pump even when I gave him formula.  I know supplementing is "bad" when you are trying to breast feed. Anyway it just feels good giving your baby breast milk. I felt like though my milk never settled right in his stomach because he almost always had a nasty spit up right after. Formula poops are the worst by the way. Sooo hard to clean off!

So last week I was soo tired and fatigued that one day I just let w&f wreck the place, watch cartoons all day and I sleep walked to get them water and cereal which they ate all day... I slept and didn't eat and didn't pump and I gave him mostly formula and I  was slightly depressed and oh my back hurt. I might have written about that weirdness already. So my milk pretty much disappeared just like that. So fast. And then I felt bad about myself. I can't believe I ruined it like that.  And then Neal tries to solve all my problems and tell me what to do but he doesn't understand that breast milk doesn't just come in on its own like a faucet. It takes a crazy amount of attention. I said I would try 3 more days to build it up but it isn't really working. I expected to nurse him for he 2.5 seconds he will stay latched and them pump after that even if    nothing came out and give him a bottle of formula.  I have only pumped 1.5 ounces total in one pumping. That is not good.

Tomorrow is the 3rd day and after that I don't know what to do. I feel really bad just giving up. I didn't feel this way with w&f. Maybe because there were 2 and I didn't expect to last very long and I didn't. This baby I really wanted to breast feed but by giving him formula also I think I sabotaged it.

Here is one of the last times I pumped 5oz! I had to document it.  haha I mean it's so special. jk

Better but Not

Cannon was only awake like 2 hours last night instead of 5-6 because w was awake most of the afternoon and evening. But w&f still wake up at 6 these days and it isn't the sun like Neal thinks because it was dark this morning! And they aren't falling asleep until 9! So I don't get it. 

Yesterday I had the worst aches but they went away after I got sleep. But now hey are back with a head ache. It feels like the flu chills where everything hurts when it touches your skin. 

I am sick of refilling w&f water bottles. I think weaning them of those is going to be worse than a Binky (which they haven't had since 3-4 months old)

I just don't understand why after they drink 3 whole cups like (like close to 30 oz) of water they will freak out if you say no more! It is ridiculous! 

I think that all of their snacking and inability to eat a proper breakfast has something to do with it. 

Also I am so glad our landlord is weird and would rather our house smell like diapers instead of the garage....

Night

I am not sure how many more times I can do this up all night up all day with maybe a 3 hour nap at 10 pm.

I need sleep but it isn't happening.

Actually it is 3:17 and he is falling asleep!!  Drinking precious pumped breast milk that I had to pump because he wouldn't nurse without letting go every 2 Seconds because it was coming out too fast. 

I am not counting on him staying asleep. 

And just like i thought he slept only 10 minutes.

My eyes feel like they are on fire. I have a head ache. My whole body hurts. My legs are throbbing. My right boob hurts like freaking crazy! I pumped but they still feel full. i think i am plugged up. he wants to nurse but he WILL not latch on! He will only take a bottle at night. 

Now he is asleep on my chest again for 60 seconds. 

I wish I trusted Neal better with all the kids so I could sleep in the evenings but I am always afraid he isn't going to feed them and that he will fall asleep too and we will be two neglectful sleeping parents.

 Also I have to go shopping once in a while because we end up with zero good the twins will eat but I NEVER want to go out. It is too much work when i could be sleeping. Or Just not out an d about  wearing myself out even more.

For some reason falcon has been getting out of bed every night at 3 am.

Every night I break down crying and am done with this. I plan to stop breast feeding and I plan to just give the babies a bucket of cereal and a bucket of water and sleep all day and let them destroy whatever they please. 

Tonight my body started to ache and now it feels like I am getting the flu or something but it could just be my EXTREmE never before experienced tiredness catching up to me. 

It is 6 and I think I heard one of the babies o pen their curtain and cannon just closed his eyes. 

Seriously you have for to have one stein perspective to understand why anybody would want to do this everyday. I am not excited about any stage any of them will go through because they are just going to get worse.